Domestic violence in marriage is becoming a worrisome issue in Nigeria, most especially with the tragedy that rocked Lekan and Ronke Shonde’s marriage.
ENCOMIUM Weekly sampled opinion of women on their take about domestic violence and the necessary steps to eradicate or reduce it to infinitesimal levels.
What causes domestic violence in marriage?
Domestic violence among couples in most cases can be attributed to lack of trust and total breakdown of communication in most cases. This has also been discovered to be aided by frustrations created by poverty in some circumstances.
What do you think a woman can do if she is experiencing domestic violence?
The immediate thing expected from anyone experiencing domestic violence is to make a report to the relevant authorities without any delay. Remember that the culture of silence has become largely responsible for many of these cases that have gone awry and most times led to the death of victims of domestic violence.
What advice do you have for married couples?
There must be a high level of tolerance among spouses and trust must continually be built among both parties, in order to strengthen their relationship.
MAIMUNA ABIAJI YAHAYA
What causes domestic violence in marriage?
There are several things that can result to domestic violence. I don’t believe domestic violence should take place in the first instance. It doesn’t resolve anything. A lot of time, misunderstanding causes it. If two people disagree on an issue and one person wants to express his or her view it can result in domestic violence.
Unresolved crisis in marriage can lead to it. Some people will say they are provoked to doing it. Whatever the reason, you cannot take back the results. Like I said, I don’t believe in domestic violence.
Disrespect can also lead to it. A lot of times in marriage, you are bound to take each other for granted. Issues arising from tradition can cause it. For instance, where I married from, you can’t call your in law by name even if you are older than them. Such can become an issue in marriage and lead to domestic violence.
What do you advise women experiencing domestic violence to do?
I don’t believe in domestic violence, if she is battered, she can separate from her husband. I don’t mean divorce. I don’t believe in it. She can separate from him until they resolve their issues.
What advice do you have for couples?
If an issue is getting into a heated argument, she should keep quiet and not argue about it. I will advise all women to find something to do for themselves . They should be productive , get engaged and don’t be idle.
…What others said
It is unfortunate that the woman is gone. We don’t know if what the husband is saying is true. I hope the family will not agree to out of court settlement. The law should take its course.
The man deserves to go to jail. Under no circumstances should a man raise his hands to beat a woman. Not to talk of killing her. It is a sorry case. We need to end domestic violence now.
Fighting is a sign of weakness as far as I am concerned. A strong man will rather leave that house and come back days later. Couples, please learn to control your anger, you made vows to each other. When things go wrong, Remember the good times you have spent with each other.
Domestic violence is not the way out. Women please run for your dear lives. Once he cheats on you, he will do it again. Once he slaps you, he will do it again.
It is unfortunate that she didn’t see the hand writing on the wall. Maybe she saw it and ignored it.. This is a lesson for all women. Don’t stay in abusive marriage. Run and remember your clothes when you find a safe place outside.
Women should seek help once the abuse gets physical. Men should learn self control too. Just take a walk or hit the wall instead.
It begins from the home. How do you raise your child as a parent. Teach your male child not to hit a girl, no matter what she does or says. Teach your female child to hold her tongue too. It is quite unfortunate.
Marriage is not by force really. It is better to be separated than to get killed in your home. May she rest in peace.
I don’t encourage divorce and I don’t support battering as well. Couples need wisdom to keep their homes. Women, what else do you want outside once you are married. The man too should be satisfied.
I can’t stay in an abusive marriage. It is important for the couple to know what they want . They can both work it out and be happy with each other.
A lot of women are the causes of domestic violence. They told you about the guy before you married him but you didn’t listen, you went ahead and now he is abusing you. Ladies please, open your eyes wide, don’t let your emotions sell you.
Women in abusive marriage should open up. Women should also try to be productive in marriage. Find something doing, don’t be a full house wife.
Once a woman is not satisfied with her husband, that is what she gets. I am not supporting the murderer but I don’t buy the idea of a woman cheating on her husband too.
Once you no longer love your spouse, take a break and re examine your relationship. Talk things out. If the Shondes had done that, the woman might be alive today.
The government needs to do more to reduce cases of innocent citizens dying like this. The story is pathetic.
May God help us all. I feel for those children. How will they ever trust their dad again . What a terrible thing to do to innocent lives. Couples should always think of the end result before they give in to their emotions.
It is a sorry case. I don’t pray any woman fall victim. Marriage is a good thing. Couples need to know how to play the game.
I think girl empowerment caused this. Once you think you are equal with your husband. That is usually the result. Women should learn to submit to their husbands. And be faithful too.
Ladies should be sensitive. Once he hit you once, run and don’t look back. Take your children along. Don’t allow them grow up in an abusive home. It will affect their future and perception to marriage.
He should face the wrath of the law. May he end up like her. Such a pathetic story
Even if the husband is jailed, it doesn’t bring back the dead woman. Women, we need to be wise.