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Halima Abubakar finally opens up on broken relationship, ‘There was no mutual trust between us’

NOLLYWOOD star, Halima Abubakar has finally opened up on her broken relationship which led to the depression she suffered for about seven months in 2013/14.  According to the award winning thespian, it was a terrible experience she won’t pray to go through again. 

The Kogi born actress also spoke on other issues that affected her life and career when ENCOMIUM Weekly visited her Maryland, Lagos residence on Friday, May 8, 2015.


What’s happening right now from the stable of Halima Abubakar?

We just completed two of our movies, How I Was Raped and The Bully.  It took us a very long time because we needed to research thoroughly before putting the movies out.  So, I just rounded off the shoot today.  Alhamdulillahi.

Halima Abubakar

Halima Abubakar

Why was The Bully delayed that long before you completed it despite having started work on it for quite long?

It’s because I am the only one sponsoring it and I can’t invest all my money in one project because I have other jobs that I did halfway.  So, I needed to complete them.  And there are so many things happening the same time, all needed money.  So, I am doing one thing at a time as best as I can.

When did you start shooting How I Was Raped?

I started in January this year, precisely January 27, 2015.  I thought we had finished but after watching it, I knew the scenes we took off, we needed to put them back which was what we did today.  It’s just for the movie to have a base and impact.

How did you come about the title, How I was Raped?

It has been on my mind since, and for a long time it was still resounding.  And you know when a song is on your mind, when you wake up in the morning you’re singing it.  That’s exactly what happened.  So, I just had to stick with that title.

What’s the movie about?

It’s all about mental abuse. I know people will be thinking somebody was raped in the movie, no.  It’s totally a different story from the title.  But of course, when you see the movie, you will understand why it was entitled, How I was raped.  I don’t want to give the story away.

Does it revolve around your personal experience?

It’s a true life story.  Is it mine?  No.  I am not married. And the story is about somebody that’s married.  Mental abuse!  Have I experienced it?  Yes.  Depression which obviously a lot of people experience without knowing.  And of course, The Bully aspect is also in the movie.

So, that means it’s not a clear cut story of your life?

It’s not at all. I just decided to put the mental aspect, depression and bully in one movie.

We could recall you said you’re depressed sometime ago…

(Cuts in) Yes, I was depressed for about seven months. Yes, a bit of it is in the movie but I didn’t go into details about my other part.  You’re going to read that in my book.

When is the book coming out?

It will come out by the special grace of God, on my birthday if I can.

Halima Abubakar

Halima Abubakar

What’s the title of the book?

Let’s keep that under wraps for now.

You said you’re depressed for about seven months, how would you describe the experience?

It’s a very huge experience, and coming out of it wasn’t that easy.  A lot of people don’t really understand what being depressed is.  Some may say they are sad, they are not but depressed.  But what happens is that they don’t know they’re depressed, they’re just sad.  Every day they ask such people, they will reply, I just dey jare.  Each day they’re thinking about so many things – they think about money, love, husband, kids and all that, and all these things and more cause depression which many Nigerians don’t know because we’re strong.

We think we’re just sad when we’re in that situation.  Initially, I thought I was just low, until I started having migraine. I couldn’t sleep. At a point, I couldn’t even sleep for two weeks.  You wouldn’t believe it, I was thinking I had migraine, the doctor said I had typhoid.  So, we’re treating typhoid and before I knew it, I was hospitalized. I was in the hospital for a week, treating typhoid. Later, I thought I was okay, I went to Obasanjo son’s wedding in Abeokuta, Ogun State.  The guy married my friend.  So, we all went for the wedding.  While I was there, I was extremely happy, dancing and all that but at the end of the wedding, I started feeling funny.  That night against the next day, I couldn’t really figure out what happened. I just realized I needed to go back to the hospital.  So, the very next day, I had to leave Abeokuta straight to the hospital.  And my doctor said my migraine was back.  And we started talking.  He was asking me questions and when he was going personal, I told him I didn’t want to talk on anything like that.  But he told me I had to so that he could see if what was wrong with me was personal.  I was still on medication for a while, but thank God I have overcome that.  And Insha Allah, it won’t come back.

What actually was the cause of your depression?

I broke up with my boyfriend.  This happened to be the first time I will be talking about that. I had decided that people will be reading about it in my book but I will just tell you a little about it.  I broke up with my boyfriend and I didn’t handle it well.  Not me alone, we both didn’t handle the situation well.  But you know I am a woman, we all react differently.  To some people, they can just take a drink and sleep off. And that’s the end.  They don’t have anything to think about.  But I just realized I loved him deeply.  I didn’t think I was that romantic.  I thought it was the Jango, Rainbow or Odechi (laughs) thing.  So, falling in love was kind of something new to me.  Then, having problem upon problem about it until it ended up in a major breakdown.

When exactly did the hiccups start in the relationship and when did it finally pack up?

It happened first in December 2013, and we came back in 2014.  And we broke up again which led to the whole thing.  He didn’t even know, I am sure he couldn’t even believe I was in love with him to that extent.  That’s why.  So, I advise people to show love to who they claim to love.  And for any guy that’s in love with a woman, he should show her that love, pay her all the attention and make her know you love her.  You don’t allow her to doubt your love.

How have you been coping since then?

It has not been easy.  I was under medication for a while.  Of course, I have my family with me, each of them came after the other to keep me company.  I didn’t accept any role that period because I shot like two or three roles that time but I didn’t feel like I used to.  Then, I shot Juju wood in Enugu, directed by Tchidi Chikere. It was an amazing experience to work with him.  But I started having migraine again from that location.  It wasn’t a good experience at all.  I also went on location in Asaba, Delta State.  I later had to go back to Lagos.  I think I did about four movies within seven months because I needed to work but it wasn’t easy.  But now, it’s like nothing has happened to me.  So, I am going to say I am very grateful to God, I am in a better and wonderful place.  I am beyond happy.

Halima Abubakar

Halima Abubakar

That means you have put the whole thing behind you?

Yes, of course.  I have to grow.  Such a thing makes you strong.

What was the major reason for the break-up?

I can’t give you any detail about that but you media guys contributed to that (laughs).

Does it mean between you and your guy, there wasn’t anything like mutual trust?

Yes, that’s just it.

But we learnt you were not giving him adequate attention he demanded was the reason he decided to call it quits with you?

Who told you about the break-up?

But didn’t we call you when we learnt about it?

But then, not every rumour you can believe.  People talk and lie a lot.  And I wonder who believes those people.  People like to talk and people like to listen.  But then, you need to draw a line as to which one is a lie and which one is the truth.  People should learn to tell the truth.  If people tell me about somebody, I don’t know why the person is telling me.  So, I will be very cautious of the person.  And probably, I will cut off from the person because at the end of the day, what you are trying to do is to make me bitter and to make one look at another in a bad way.  And I don’t want such a life style because I am in the entertainment business where there are too many rumours, too many gossips, envy, jealousy and underground beefing.  You’re praying for them to succeed while they are trying to bring you down.  Life is so funny, and looking back now, I feel so stupid crying on the shoulders of the wrong people because I had one or two friends in Nollywood that were around me when I was sick.  And I am like Oh! My boyfriend and all that, crying.  And they left and went to discuss the situation in another way.  So, things like this and more made me wary of discussing anything with anybody.  If I feel headache, I don’t need to tell anybody about it.  I will just get a medication to take without anybody knowing.

How do you cope without any man in your life now?

I am coping well.

Or you have another man now rocking your world?

I don’t.

Are there no passes being thrown at you by men?

Am I not a beautiful girl? (laughs).  I am a beautiful, young and intelligent woman doing very well.  I am very hard working which I believe everybody knows.  But I don’t go up and down for men to chase me.  So, people bothering about who I am dating or when I am going to get married should just exercise patience.  It’s strictly uncalled for.  If I give them invitation cards and aso ebi to come dance, eat my rice and go, then, the next tomorrow they hear that the wedding is over, won’t they feel bad for coming to spend that time and amount of money on the wedding?  So, nobody should be asking me anything about that again.  They should be happy I am alive.

But are you searching now?

I am not going to answer that.

Halima Abubakar

Halima Abubakar

That means you have found another love…

No, please I don’t jump from relationship to relationship. One has to be very careful.

How long would that take you now?

It doesn’t have any specific time, when it clicks it clicks.  When you meet somebody that’s yours you will know.

Okay, what lessons have you learnt from the broken relationship?

I learnt to be truthful, loving and caring.  Sometimes people think I don’t care, no, but it’s only that I don’t know how to show it.  I need to learn that.  I have been working since I was 13.  It’s only natural that I really don’t know the meaning of love or how to show it but I have been reading a lot and have been advised. I think I love and I have known what it entails.

Judging by what you have passed through, what does love mean to you now?

Togetherness and trust.

What were the mistakes that perhaps you won’t like to repeat?

Sharing my problems with people that are not worth a cup of tea to me.

What’s your candid advise to those that may be in your shoes?

They should just shut up, they don’t need to talk to any friend but their family members alone.   They don’t even need to discuss anything with people who are crying with you.  Those are crocodile tears.  They may be part of your problems because they were part of mine.  You know a lot of people talk too much and those that talk too much can hurt too much.

It was tweeted a couple of days ago that you exposed your boobs in the public and that has been generating comments on social media.  What’s your reaction to that?

That’s why I said people talk and gossip too much.  I wore a gown to Silverbird Man of the Year Award last week.  I don’t know why that should generate comments.  What do they expect me to wear?  Aso oke, iro and buba or what?  I am a young girl, to cry it loud.  What I wore was an evening dress and I loved it.  In fact, I don’t know why people get upset when I dress these days.  It’s not like I am parading myself in a bum short.  Anything I wear, people have an issue with it.  I don’t understand.  I think what I will be doing now is to be tying headgear so that I will cover my body on the red carpet.  It’s a gown, it has space in the front and a deep cleavage which to me is appropriate.  But people are saying you can’t expose two things at the same time but the designer had designed it that way.  So, will I now stitch it?

But some people are saying you’re not supposed to wear that kind of dress being a Muslim?

halima abubakar

halima abubakar

Religion doesn’t have anything to do with appearance as far as I am concerned.  I can be under hijab (veil) and be the worst human being on earth and I can be myself and dress the way I want to be addressed and be very responsible.  Occasion demands the twist of your look.  I don’t think at this stage, people should be bothered about what I wear.  I believe even if I cover up, people will still have a lot to say.

What’s the latest concerning your charity organization, Halima Abubakar Foundation for the Youth?

We’re trying to see how we can support people, whether special children or healthy children that don’t have any means of survival.  We don’t have money but we contribute the little we could.  And of course, the foodstuffs I distribute is still on.  Although, my foundation is still very new because I have been working with my name all these years, we have been able to provide food and water to many children.  And of course, free books for children in school.  And very soon, I am thinking of adopting a child.  So, we’re growing daily.  I am trying the best I can.  I have over one million books printed that I share to children free in schools.  By the special grace of God, that will continue.


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