‘In marriage, people tend to understand each other and cooperate better with less than with more money’
– EYA AYAMBEM, relationship counsellor (wives connection blog)
Would you say money is a major cause of marriage break-up?
Money is a cause of break-up of many marriages, too little or too much so to speak has led to the end of some marriages.
If money is a major cause of marriage break-up, what would you say about infidelity?
Let’s leave it at that. There are so many reasons why marriages break-up and money is one of those. In Nigeria, we read on blogs and see couples break up because so much money has come in and the wife doesn’t feel like burning her fingers in the kitchen anymore, when they can just order good food, while the husband insists on home-cooked food. With or without money, relationships still hit the rocks, however, with money, there are more issues to deal with and more ego problems in a relationship.
To what extent can this pose a problem?
It has got much than it used to be with our parents. With women empowerment, with women purchasing power growing, there is more of financial muscle flexing between couples, more than in the past.
I’ll like to say here that money and arrogance mix well, they blend together easily. You see a once friendly couple begin to have irreconcilable differences because the husband or wife has hit a jackpot and no longer has any respect for his partner. The woman suddenly gets a better paying job and her humility and respect for her husband flies out the window. Most couples who were once poor before making money will tell you that their marriages fared better before the windfall. They communicated better, understood each other better and were there for one another until the money came rolling. The man who can now afford younger and more sophisticated women begins to stray, cheat and lie. The woman confirms her suspicion and trouble begins in paradise. See, let me tell you something you may already know, money answers all things, yes! Money improves the quality of life of humans.
I can’t say that too much of it is the bigger problem because who doesn’t need much money? Who can survive without money? Who doesn’t want to announce on TV like Donald Trump “I am very rich”. Don’t we pay for everything in life except the oxygen that we breathe in? Even this oxygen is paid for under some circumstances. So, we need money for virtually everything. Most people will prefer the troubles and challenges of money to the lack and want of poverty. In marriage, people tend to understand each other and cooperate better with less than with more money.
How do couples tackle this problem?
It’s easy, communication! Couples should as much as possible talk about money. Be open to each other about income and expenditure. Don’t show your husband a fake pay slip because one day things may just blow up. Don’t lie to your wife about your earnings and do not act as if talking about money is a taboo. At the beginning of the month or year, sit down together and talk money.
Draw up a budget and make plans together. When you both know where the money is coming from, how much is being spent and how much is saved for the family, there will be less money issues and fights that eventually could lead to separation.
Finally, self discipline is very important. Sometimes, problems arise when one partner just loves to shop with every kobo that comes in while the other is more interested in saving for the rainy day. Be disciplined, avoid impulsive shopping even when you think it’s for the good of the family and be transparent and completely open to each other for by so doing, you help your marriage last longer.