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How to stay married happily

Husband and wife in park

It appears to be increasingly difficult staying married as many couples are divorcing by the day. Those who have stayed in the institution, some from more than 25 years, revealed the secrets of staying married happily. So did marriage counselors and pastors…


‘Communication is key’ – MRS. FOLUSHO OGUNJIMI

Ma, what do you think are the challenges of marriage?



The main problem of marriage is lack of communication. Many couples think they could leave out in the morning, come back late at night and say “I love you” and sleep off, without talking about what happened that day.

Communication really matters, without it you see problems arising in that particular marriage. Another challenge of marriage is not fellowshipping together.

How do you think a marriage could be peaceful?

As I said, communication is the key to a peaceful marriage, if there is communication in a marriage, there would be peace. And couples should learn to fellowship with God, a family that prays together stays together. So, if a couple should pray together, I believe the Prince of peace should bring peace into that marriage. To new couples that are planning on getting married they should learn to fellowship with God and their marriage would be peaceful.


‘Marriage is a larger world than dating’ -MR. BEN AYANCHOWA

What are the challenges of marriage from the couples you have counselled so far?

We are going to look at the challenges from two points, true love and money. Before one embarks on marriage, one must have true love for his or her spouse. Sometimes people mistake flings for true love. You hear people saying that, “Sir there is no more love.” But before embarking on that marriage didn’t you know there was not love. They would say there was but it faded. But true love cannot fade. In fact, it’s everlasting some people go into marriage because of money, that is another challenge. You cannot marry someone cause of money though it is needed, it should not be a criteria. Looking at our celebrities most of them get married because of money and we could see the results, we hear divorce here and there. True love is a major challenge.

How do you think a peaceful marriage could be promoted?

(Laughs) A peaceful marriage could be promoted by truly loving your spouse or boyfriend, before taking a step into marriage. Marriage is a larger world than dating, so if there is love, not because of money, a marriage would definitely be peaceful. When we go back to the institution of marriage, we ask God to come and take control even before the marriage. When there is no God in the beginning of their marriage, He could still come to your aid when you call on Him because he is the Prince of Peace.



Lack of communication

Not really loving each other

Unreasonable financial expectations


Not praying together

Not respecting each other

Putting other things before your marriage

Bad friends and in-laws

Withholding sex and physical attention


Not forgiving

Delay in conception, not having children, or a son

Unnecessary independence


Couples who have been married for more than 25 years and less reveal secrets of marital bliss

‘Love is a challenge of marriage’ -MR. AND MRS. CHEGWO

How long have you been married ma?

I have been married for 30 years now.

What do you think are the challenges of marriage so far?

Love is a challenge of marriage. If one doesn’t have true love for his or her spouse, that marriage would not be peaceful. I would say finances, it is a strong challenge of marriage. When there is no communication, a marriage would have problem. The couples need to understand themselves, marriage is all about understanding. Another challenge of marriage is commitment. Couples must be committed to each other. Those are the challenges of marriage I know.

How do you think a peaceful marriage could be promoted?

By emphasising true love, couples should know truly that they love themselves before going into it. Also understanding. They should understand themselves totally before going into marriage; they should be ready for commitment; they should be committed to each other to promote peaceful marriage and also they should know that not all situations are permanent. So a little bit of patience won’t kill a marriage.  Through all these, a peaceful marriage would be promoted.


‘Sex should not be used as a tool to control your spouse’ -MR. AND MRS. NDUBUAKU

How long you been married?

Mr and Mrs Ndubuaku

Mr and Mrs Ndubuaku

5 years.

What do you think are the challenges of marriage?

Living outside what you can afford that is a challenge. Meaning, we should show sincere appreciation and respect for what your husband has by carefully following a budget and making the best of what you have. Then constant negativity is also a challenge.  Nagging your men with complaints make it difficult for him to concentrate and that could be serious problem. Another challenge of marriage is if you end up putting your career, best friends etc before your husband is a dangerous thing and can be a major challenge of marriage. Another challenge is withholding physical affection. Sex should not be used as a tool to control your spouse. If it is then it can cause problems because what a man cannot find at home he will look elsewhere. So it should be used as a tool to draw you closer to one another. Not speaking to your spouse about how you feel is another challenge. Couples should be able to open up to one another about how they really feel.

How do you think a peaceful marriage could be promoted?

With all the challenges highlighted, if couples could work on all these and if the two parties are truly serious about learning from each other’s mistake and being able to forgive after making those mistakes, honesty and having a time alone with each other and also with prayer communication, trust, fidelity a peaceful marriage would be promoted.


‘Understanding your spouse is really important’ – MR. AND MRS. ABIA

How long have you been married?

25 years.

What do you think are the challenges of marriage?

It is not a bed of roses, that is for sure. Understanding is a challenge of marriage, you being able to understand your spouse is really important, because we all know men will always think they have the upper hand and women will not like to be looked at as the weaker vessel. Some men will like to tell their wives to sit down and expect them to do so. And when you don’t find them doing so, the problem starts. So, if you are a woman and you understand your spouse, you should be able to know if he is an Adolf Hitler and kindly play along. So understanding is the key.

How do you think a peaceful marriage could be promoted?

By understanding. As I said, understanding the likes and dislikes of your spouse and not offending him or her unnecessarily. And with the help of the Almighty God, a peaceful marriage would be promoted.


Pastors on the challenges of marriages and how they can be prevented

‘The challenge of in-laws has wrecked many marriages’ -REV (MRS.) ESTHER IMOH

Ma, what do you think are the challenges of marriages?

Mrs. Esther Imoh

Mrs. Esther Imoh

Marriage is one of the institutions under heavy satanic bombardment, so because of that it faces so many challenges. But here, I would briefly talk about two of them. the social diversity of the parties that make up a marriage can cause tremendous problems. Before people are married they all have their independent lifestyle, and sometimes,  a husband could have outgoing tendencies while the wives reserved and if such diversity is not well managed,  that marriage could crack up.

Another challenge of marriage is in laws. The challenge of in-laws has wrecked many marriages, especially mother in-laws in most cases always want to have a place in their children’s homes thereby creating conflict.

How can a peaceful marriage be promoted?

The position of God in a marriage must be very visible through the spirituality of the couples.  A sound spiritual foundation helps to build a peaceful marriage because God says, “Seek ye first the kingdom of God and its righteousness,  all other things shall be added. In 1 Cor 3:11, we are enjoined to lay the foundation on Christ.  A sound spiritual foundation brings peace to a marriage.


‘Delay in conception is a challenge’ -PASTOR BEN ADIGHIBE

What do you think are the challenges of marriage?

Pastor Ben Adighibe

Pastor Ben Adighibe

One of the most challenging factors against marriage is delay in conception or childlessness, fruitfulness or barrenness.  Many marriages have suffered setbacks due to the above factors and also when not blessed with male children, which is believed to be the pillar of continuity.  Another challenge that is silently eating into the marriage institution is the global phenomenon of gay right and the advanced communication.

Technology which is fostering masturbation and single parenthood. Many ladies and men want to be independent rather than submit themselves to marital responsibilities. All the same, marriage is not ordained to promote pain or misery but for love and blissful relationship.

How do you think a peaceful marriage can be promoted?

If couples could tackle the above challenges and not letting themselves be victims, and those who have fallen into them, our God is a merciful God and will take a step into their lives. And it could be promoted through understanding the marital killers and avoiding them such as evil habits, bad friends, awkward traditions, ignorance and carelessness.


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