Encomium
‘People thought our love would wear out without children’
Seyi Law and wife, Stacy Ebere are grateful to have had a fulfilling five years together. The couple celebrated their fifth wedding anniversary with a renewal of vows on Sunday, April 3, 2016, in the presence of family and friends. Encomium Weekly had an interview with the talented comedian about the journey so far and what has kept their union.
Congratulations on your fifth wedding anniversary?
Thank you.
How will you describe the journey so far?
The journey has been great. It has been wonderful. The most important thing is, we keep thanking God for where we are, where He started the journey with us. It has been a great journey.
Why did you decide to renew your marital vows?
Even before I got married, I said I was going to renew my vows when my marriage is five. That is a form of recommitment to each other. Another thing is, marriage, as an institution is getting difficult by the day. For me, it will be something to encourage other people that we can all still stay in love. That is why we renewed our marital vows and recommitted ourselves to each other. I pray that the Lord that has kept us for five years will continue to keep us.
Another thing is the fact that people need to know that whether there are children in a marriage or not, the most important thing is the agreement between the two people who decided to come together. Children are secondary. It is really worth celebrating.
Can you share some of the challenges your marriage has faced in five years?
Basically, I don’t call them challenges. I call them lessons to be learnt. We have had our ups and downs in the union. We have had times we had to fight each other. We have had times we had serious disagreements but the most important thing is that, we have been able to resolve them. Every passing day is a lesson and a blessing. In my own little way, I tell people, the first six months is probably the toughest.
Why did you say so?
I know what I passed through in the first six months of my marriage. At that point that we thought everything would have ended, the grace of God kept us. We have been able to celebrate five years, despite the fact that people thought that the love will wear out when there are no children, but then, God has been faithful. I have a reason to celebrate her every day. She is so much an encouragement to me and my career. When your wife will look at your face and tell you, you need jokes. That is a big challenge for improvement for you. She deserved all that I could do and I have done for her.
Will you say marriage is sweet or not?
Marriage is sweet. I tell people, what you get out of marriage is what you want. There is no where it is written in the Bible that marriage will be sweet or bitter. It is your decision that makes it sweet or bitter. The moment we began to do the things that make marriage sweet, the better for us. Bitterness is not quarrel, even the instructions that God gave about marriage that husbands should love their wives and wives submitting to their husbands is like a contrast to what our human nature wants. Every man wants respect, but not every man wants love, that is the truth. A man can do away with love, the same way a woman will do away with respect but they cannot do away with love. It is in a man’s nature to want respect. He can do away with love. God is asking a woman to respect and a man to give love. It is what the woman really loves. What God asked the woman to give is what men like, respect. Sometimes, women find it hard to respect and men find it hard to love. They are like contrast. It takes submission by both parties to give what is required in marriage. That also boils down to how well we can humble ourselves. What greater level of humility is being naked in front of each other and not being ashamed. If we can see that among ourselves, then we can conquer what is expected of us.
The Yoruba are particular about inter-ethnic marriage, did you face that before getting married?
Sometimes, when God orchestrates something, it is just perfect. I will say it is divine. I have always loved something about the Igbo that I didn’t know it was going to translate into marriage for me. I love Igbo songs, people like Osadebe, Oliver de Coque. I remember one of Oliver de Coque’s songs right from childhood, Funny funny identity. I grew up listening to those songs. One of my favourite songs is an Igbo Christian song. Thank God for the parents I have. My mom was not particular about tribe. She has always said she will never choose for her children. It is important that you make your own mistakes and learn from them. It is more important to look at the mistakes of those ahead of you and learn from them. My mother told us that they wanted her to marry somebody else but she turned it down and married my dad. Now, the person is late. You could imagine if she had married that person. She probably would have passed through a lot of challenges in her marriage but she has come out strong and she has drawn closer to God than ever. Because of that, she doesn’t worry about who you marry.
My dad, who was particular about it changed his mind when he met my wife. I can tell you that my wife is the favourite daughter-in-law. That goes to show that tribe isn’t a judge of a person’s personality, but what the person has within. Good enough for me, my wife’s parents are great Christians. They weren’t particular about where their daughter would get married from. The most important thing for them was love and wellbeing of their daughter. That has really helped us.
Can you refresh our memory with the qualities that attracted your wife to you? Are they still intact?
The qualities have gotten better because we have grown. It is not about increasing in age but in maturity. One of the things that endeared her to me is the fact that she is very caring. She came from a family where they are little in their home, I come from a large family but she has accommodated everybody, that impresses me a lot. For everyone who has come to my home or who has known me will know that there is always something to eat when you come. There is always a welcoming atmosphere. For the kind of job I do, you need a wife who can accommodate anybody. I am in a position of privilege right now. I grew up under strong difficulties, I passed through a lot of challenges while growing up. But somehow, God picked me up from nowhere to a place where I can be proud of. I don’t want to be the reason someone will pray that God should bless him or her because I am mocking them. But I have prayed that prayer for myself before. I prayed that God will bless me and change my situation. I also need a woman who could take up that challenge with me; she has proven to be that woman. My wife is kind to a fault. As much as I give, she gives also. I used to look at it, one of us should be the prudent one. I cannot tell her to stop giving. God has showed up for us because of the giving attitude.
We learnt that a lot of celebrities engage in extra-marital affairs, do you also do that?
I said it on AY Live on Stage that I have never cheated on my wife. Not because I didn’t have cause to want to cheat. I know how to flirt with ladies, sometimes, we get carried away but the most important thing is realizing ourselves and retracing our steps. I am not a saint but I have learnt everyday to love my wife better than I loved her the previous day.
Does your job as a comedian affect your home?
No, my wife is quite understanding. She met me when I just started. She has lived the journey with me. I can remember when I started, w went to different events together. But now, she has left me to do what I have to do. Most of the time, I have to be the one to tell her to come with me. As we grow and change levels, there are different challenges. You need a woman that can be there in the room of prayer. She has taken up that role and I have seen evidence of it. I tell everyone who cares to listen that I am no more the one doing comedy, I am not in the terrestrial, I am beginning to function in the celestial that is why things will continue to amaze people.
Do you remember the greatest joke you have shared with her?
I have had cause to share jokes with her everyday but it is kind of naughty. The biggest joke I shared with her was when I get to be naked and dance in front of her. It is husband and wife’s joke. It is not everyday.
What is the greatest thing you want God to do in your marriage that He has not done?
I want God to give us our own house. I want a place that I really want to live different from a rented apartment. It is different from any other home I have. A good place I can be comfortable with my family.
With the status of Seyi Law, you should have gotten the real place you want?
Unfortunately, I haven’t. Sometimes, people count our money for us, they make assumptions for us. I am being real right now. The truth is Seyi Law can have a house in Ikorodu, that is not where I want to live. Seyi Law can have land but he hasn’t built on it. How many people know of my responsibilities. It is not like I haven’t made money but how many people in the industry have the kind of responsibilities I have. Sometimes, we try to compare musicians money to comedians money, it doesn’t work that way. Seyi Law can charge N1 million and a musician will charge N2.5 million for the same show. How about responsibilities, how many people really know that my dad has over 50 children. My mom has nine children. How many people know those who are attached to me from my extended family. How many people put it into consideration that I have to take responsibilities for my wife’s family too. Sometime, we make assumptions which are good for me but it might not be so.
What advice do you have for people about marriage?
I believe one of the greatest advice I have ever given about marriage is that nobody should marry into homes where there is no anchor person. A home where there is total disunity is not the right place to marry. If you are dating somebody and there is nobody in that home you can talk to there something is wrong. I am not sure you are getting into the right home. Whether we like it or not, African homes are built on family values. Once a home loses those values, it is difficult to succeed in such homes.
What should people expect about your up coming show?
Last year was very huge, the only thing we can do is to improve on what we have done. By the special grace of God, we hope to get sponsors to join us this time. We will keep up our surprises. We want people to come and have something new from last year’s experience. Those surprises make our shows unique. A lot of people were not on the bill but people saw them that day. We started early last year, we will try to do that too. We will give opportunity for up and coming artists to perform but not as much as last year. We don’t want any loose end this year. We want maximum entertainment and fun. We will have female performances. It will hold on July 24, 2016, at Eko Hotel & Suites, Victoria Island, Lagos.
-SHADE WESLEY-METIBOGUN
