Death in matrimony is becoming commonplace, and many are bewildered about the frequent news. Why is domestic violence becoming more usual and seemingly acceptable? Why do spouses wait until a tragedy happens? How can one live peacefully in a union? How did our parents do it, spending decades and decades until death separated them?
Experts have drawn up a list of lessons we all can learn from the saga of Ronke and Lekan Shode as we await conclusion of investigations.
Here are 8 eternal lessons from the misadventure that has gripped us since Friday, May 6…
- Curb your jealousy and insecurity
Love comes with a downside, but we must always be practical and look at the benefits of our relationships and discountenance the negatives. Jealousy consumes and insecurity drives us insane. Once trust is dying, it is better to walk away. Remember, it is almost impossible to prevent an adulterer from cheating. It is a waste of time trailing your spouse, checking phones.
- Marry in your league or not too up your class
If couples are mismatched, financially and class wise, it will be difficult to meet up. You will constantly be chasing a moving target. Your background and upbringing are different, so what are the common grounds? Someone who does not understand that the spouse is used to being fawned over by a long list of domestic hands will want a hands on partner? Expect deference from a fiercely independent person? You must speak the same language and use the same lexicon, by and large.
- Age gap counts
The days of yore where a huge age gap is reason for respect and deference between spouses are gone. Now, ones you romp with anyone, no matter the age difference, they believe you are equal. And cross many boundaries. With high sexual appetite and permissible environment, they become selfish. Once they are not satisfied, the couples look elsewhere for fun. The man looks for a shoulder to lean on and the woman another body for warmth and security. Now, it is difficult for a union with a huge age difference to survive, unlike in the days of our parents.
- Create physical and emotional barriers from outsiders
Never be close to the opposite sex, no matter the temptation and lure. It would end in bitterness. A wife cannot be exchanging messages or watching movies with a male friend or colleague. Nor a man be doing the same and quoting enlightenment. Your spouse cannot take it, and neither should you. There should be boundaries. Don’t be close to anyone’s spouse or partner, you don’t need the stress.
- Be faithful
Fidelity counts for everything. It is indivisible, never fractionalized. It must be total.You spouse must not only think you are faithful, your fidelity must be able to withstand tests. Your movements and phones, passwords and emails should be accessible. Even your bank statements. You cannot afford to be secretive.
- Never abuse your spouse
Either physically or emotionally. You can never tell the outcome of a seemingly nasty word or slap. It can escalate to full scale battery and reckless violence where death can happen. Don’t start.
- You can always walk away
Don’t wait until you have a black eye, bruised and depressed. You won’t be able to predict the very last abuse. So, why wait and endure? The abuse must never start, should be stopped. It is about life, not what family and friends would say. Focus on yourself, not gossip or back biting and innuendos. When you die, they will still blame you.
- Get busy, seek financial independence
One of the reasons in an unhappy union is over dependence on ones spouse for everyday needs. You should be able to support and assist your spouse. Even the bread winner gets tired and irritated. So, get a life! Bring money to the table and take charge of some responsibilities.