With the increasing rate of divorce in Nigeria, a lot of people are beginning to shy away from the institution. Some prefer to have children out of wedluck, raise them and remain single for the rest of their lives.
In an attempt to unravel the reasons for the continuous rise in the rate of divorce in Nigeria, marriage counsellors, Eya Ayambema and Foluso Ogunjimi, told Encomium Weekly’s Shade Wesley-Metibogun…
– FOLUSO OGUNJIMI
“It all depends on the foundation of the marriage. In most cases, people match-make partners. In the process, one of the parties may not truly love the other person. Such a marriage will not last because it is not built on a solid foundation.
“Communication is another challenge in marriage. If there is a gap in communication, if the couple don’t open up to each other, the marriage will not stand the test of time.
“Infidelity is another factor that leads to marriage break up as well. Couples should be faithful to their marriage vows.”
Speaking further on what can be done to reduce the rate of divorce she asserted, “Parents should allow their children make their choice; especially the rich in the society.
“Don’t choose for your children, don’t force them into marriage.
“Chasing money has also become the order of the day. Women should know their limits. Even though she is working, she should ensure she has time for the family.
“We should all make God the centre of our marriage.
“I will also say that marriage is a matter of give and take. Both parties should put in all their efforts.
“The husband should be in charge of financing the home, the wife should also contribute her quota. If the wife is richer than the husband, she should not show it, but she should continue to submit to her husband. Most importantly, communication is key. If one party is offended, such a person should let it out and not bottle it in.
“Above all, make God the centre of your home.”
– EYA AYAMBEMA
“Divorce is on the rise because of some obvious factors like the harsh economy, domestic violence, education and exposure, more connections and links to foreign cultures and the rise of feminism, too.
“Most Nigerian families are religious, and we all know that religion places the man over the woman. It has been that way for a very long time with both Christian and Islamic wives submitting completely to their husbands. Nowadays, there are talks, programmes and workshops about equality, women’s rights and so on. Many Nigerian women have come to see that the woman too has some right and so, some can no longer submit like they used to. And that’s where problems come in.
“Domestic violence cases have skyrocketed, especially among Nigerian celebrities who are role models to younger ones. So, what do you expect? Most women these days are empowered, and feel they can do without a man.
“The only reason some women go into marriages is to have their kids, and once that is accomplished, they lose interest and patience. With the slightest provocation, things are blown out of proportion.
“The Economy has left many families unable to provide basic amenities and this leads to confusion and fights. Eventually, the struggling couples get to go their separate ways. Money is the major cause of fights in some marriages, and if it doesn’t pour in quickly, divorce happens.
“Finally, I think the rise of infidelity is another cause of most divorce cases in Nigeria.”
She also proffered solution to the problem: “It can only get worse, unless women will stop getting themselves empowered. If the economy improves, people would be happy and there will be less fights and anger. It can be curtailed if more families begin to take their religion seriously where the women begin to submit and accept everything without question. But, is that possible in this age? With globalization, the Internet, access to different cultures, education, it can only get worse.
“See, a lot of Nigerian wives are just managing, they are just marking time for the sake of kids and lack of funds. Given the opportunities other wives in western cultures have, they’ll quit without looking back. Divorce still favours the man in Nigeria unlike in the Western world. And the day things change, expect more cases. We can only hope and pray.”