Domestic violence in marriage is becoming a worrisome issue in Nigeria, most especially with the tragedy that rocked Lekan and Ronke Shonde’s marriage.
ENCOMIUM Weekly sampled opinion of women on their take about domestic violence and the necessary steps to eradicate or reduced it to infinitesimal levels.
‘Couple should see themselves as one’ – FOLUSHO OGUNJIMI
Most of the time, it depends on the foundation of the marriage. They may not be meant for each other. Another issue is if the husband cannot meet up with his responsibility as the man of the house, maybe he lost his job or if he is a careless man.
Domestic violence can arise if a woman is lazy, maybe she is dirty, she does not take care of the home. All these can lead to domestic violence.
One of them must be the sheep in the house. In most cases, I will advice the woman to pay the role of the sheep. If she is temperamental, she should work on it.
I will ask the two of them if they are genuine Christians. If they are, they will see themselves as one. If the man sees himself as one with his wife, he will not hurt her or beat her because he will be beating himself. Genuine love conquers all.
We will look at it from two angles. It could be as a result of loss of job, maybe he couldn’t play his role in the home again and he becomes frustrated. If he happens to have a very beautiful wife, who is financially strong, the man may feel threatened and resort to abuse.
It might be a control problem, maybe anger issue. The man or woman might not admit to have such an issue.
She should speak out. We have been so brain washed in this part of the world, even her mother can convince her not to talk. From the first slap, leave the scene and speak from a distance. I’ve seen a hunky conductor slap a pregnant woman. The passengers gave her the courage to slap her own back. She did, and the conductor fell and died. The same people that encouraged her turned their back against her.
Another point I want to mention is that there should be empowerment for women. There should be entrepreneurial skills for women. Some women stay in abusive relationship because they don’t have any shelter to run to. She will think of herself and her children.
If there is anything causing marital conflict, they should sort it out. They can seek the help of a marriage counselor, someone who is a professional in the field. They shouldn’t go to people who will advise them, based on their experience.
They should seek help before it develops into physical abuse.
‘People should know the purpose of marriage’ – ELIASHIB IMEH-JAMES
When people go into marriage without an understanding of what marriage is all about. When the purpose of marriage is lost. The purpose of marriage is God. If the couple should miss God, then there is a great problem. We may add other factors to it.
For instance, when God made man, He made him the head of the home. If anything resists that aspect of him, the man will definitely react to it. Marriage is meant to help actualize God’s purpose on earth. God asked the woman to submit because there cannot be two captains in a ship.
Women also attract violence to themselves in marriage. That is why I tell singles to negotiate before they say “yes”. Discuss all matters and situations and how to handle them. When such issues crop up in marriage, if a man is violent in a relationship, leave that relationship, unless the violence is based on a situation that can be resolved. If it is genetic, it is dangerous. The lady should leave such a relationship.
If a woman is in a marriage and the man is violent, she should learn to keep calm. Two wrongs cannot make a right. She has to calm down and watch the man do the talking. I don’t support divorce in marriage. it is an institution created by God. I will not go against God. That is why it is better for a lady to observe her man while in the relationship. If he is violent them leave the relationship before it leads to marriage.
WHAT OTHERS SAID
I still want him to face the wrath of the law. I don’t believe that autopsy report. The man has a hand in her death. If he doesn’t, how would he run away and leave her corpse in a locked up house.
The society is not helping matters. I will advise women to come out and talk. But people will beg her to ensure and not to spoil the image of their family. I hope women will learn from Ronke Shonde’s pathetic story.
Fighting is not the answer to marital issue. She should have left the marriage. Even if family members or pastor pressurize the women to stay in an abusive marriage, she still has the right to choose her path. I don’t believe God will be interested in people dying in the name of marriage.
I don’t know the poor woman’s story. It is possible she saw it coming which is often the case. I believe she should have left. Her family asked her to leave but she chose to stay. Women should learn from that.
Marriage is a good thing really but couples need to be careful and know how to play the ball. It is a pathetic situation. I don’t pray any other woman goes through it. It is a sorry case.
No marriage is worth one’s life. Marriage is to be enjoyed and not endured. I will advise women, once the chemistry is over, the history no longer matters, be on the run. Women please don’t wait to see the end of the marriage.
I will advise women to seek help once the abuse gets physical. I will also advice men never to hit a woman, they should walk away if they cannot bear it.
I will encourage women in abusive relationships to end it because it is not worth it. Even if her husband is jailed at the end of the day, it will not bring her back. Nobody will take care of those children the way she would. Abusive relationship is not worth it.
I don’t encourage divorce but I wouldn’t encourage living in danger too. Once a woman notices she is being abused, she should seek for help. It is really a sad case. I pray the man gets the right justice he deserves.
Ladies should be sensitive, it all starts from an abusive relationship, there is no need for a lady to stay in such relationship, if he did that while you were dating. Expect more after marriage.
Parents should learn from the story. How are they raising their sons. Parents should train their boys to respect a girl and never harm her in any way or hit her. They are to protect a woman.
It is very pathetic that such a thing happened. The woman would have seen hand writing on the wall and would have done something about it. I will blame her for staying in such a marriage really.