To most women, the thought of a marriage proposal is sweet and wonderful, especially women who read a lot of romance novels. But believe me when I tell you this, the male folks don’t find it easy with such thoughts, ranging from asking their parents, to buying the rings, churning out large sum of money for the process to the actual moment, is one nerve-wracking, teeth-chattering experience for them.
ENCOMIUM Weekly chatted up few young men and here are their reactions:
‘NOT READY FOR IT’
– Taiwo Olowookere
These days, there are fewer societal pressures to marriage and we can weigh our options instead of just jumping directly from school into marriage. We can afford to wait for that perfect woman while we concentrate on getting our career off the ground, save to buy a house, and of course enlarge your source of income.
‘CAN’T TRUST A WOMAN’
– Muyiwa Akinola
We learn pretty fast that women can’t be trusted, they’re always looking for ways to latch onto a man with much money, larger status and more stuff to exploit.
Commitment to a relationship means putting your heart on the line, and none of us want a sharp stiletto heel spiking us in the back as our ex-girlfriend scrambles over us to get to the next guy.
‘LACK OF COMPROMISE’
– Daniel Chizoba
Commitment implies the ability to compromise. Ideally, marriage should be a 50/50 partnership in which each half contributes and shares equally. But to a woman, ‘compromise’ often means, “do it my way or you are cut off from sex”. So, we are forced into surrendering to this sexual blackmail if we want to get it at all and the result is a terrible loss of male power.
‘LOSS OF FREE TIME’
– Kalejaiye Seun
Serious relationships suck up time and energy, they can entirely take over our lives. The pressure is always on to do something, be it wine and dine with her, interact with her family, remember her birthday, or pick her up from work. For some of us, all the bother just isn’t worth the effort.
‘ONE SEX PARTNER, FOREVER’
– Femi Awogbami
We naturally crave sexual variety. When we are committed, either in marriage or cohabitation, we willingly volunteer to cut ourselves off from any other sexual pursuit. Sexual boredom can set in, followed by a total lack of desire.
For a lot of us, even guys who weren’t getting a lot of action anyway, this can be the scariest consequence of all.
‘THE EMOTIONAL BAGGAGE’
– Kehinde Oni
Many women look at marriage through Cinderalla eyes. For them, putting a ring on their fingers means that we will magically solve all their problems, from childhood issues with their fathers to huge shopping debts. Women often submerge their true personalities and agenda until the knot is tied. But when the truth comes out and then we find ourselves legally bound to a greedy, nagging woman, it would have been too late.
‘LOSS OF SPACE’
– Kenneth Uzor
Men like things, they need ‘guy space’ for stuff like cars, tools and watching kick-ass action flicks. But women want to take over, to ‘female up’ what used to be exclusive male territory with frilly drapes and paintings of flowers.
In fact, they’re so committed to feminizing all the space around them that they quickly start forbidding us to have any guy stuff at all. So, suddenly you find the bathroom buried in female products, your leather couch has been re-upholstered in pastel paisley and the spot where you kept your stuff has blossomed into a woman’s corner.
‘NO MORE FREEDOM’
– Damilare Babatunde
Most men are extremely independent by nature. Men like to make their decisions and remain by their rules. They want to do what they want when they want it. But when a woman enters the picture, all the choices a guy simply used to take for granted, going out for a beer with his buddies, buying a big screen TV, playing golf on Saturday afternoon, suddenly have to be cleared with her first.
And her answer is almost always ‘No, we’re a couple now’ (transition: we’re going to do things my way). Almost overnight, some believe they have been trapped, doing what she wants to do, regardless of their own wants or desires.
‘SHE APPLIES PRESSURE’
– Femi Agboola
For a lot of women, commitment is the finish line for their adult lives. They want to get married and they want to do so now. So, they exert increasing pressure on us to settle down, pressure that can cause us to pack up and leave.
‘IS SHE COMMITMENT WORTHY?’
– Funsho Adeleke
Committing to a woman is serious business. It’s a decision that shouldn’t be taken in a hurry. Too many men get married for the wrong reasons; they are getting older, all their friends are walking down the aisle, the woman is good looking but lacks other desirable qualities, or they are scared they won’t meet anyone else.
But it’s normal to feel ambivalent, even scared out of your mind about signing away all your other opinions for the rest of your life. Whether or not you ultimately want to settle down is up to you, just be aware of the reasons you might be afraid to make that commitment.
– AFE OMOTOLA