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How many times a week should you have sex?

The question of how much sex is too little or too much is a  puzzle for adults and researchers. Regular sex makes a couple happier, but the frequency of sex varies and depends on some factors.



Though some have pinned having sex three to four times a week as the perfect figure, that will be if you don’t have children, are in the peak of health, going through a great time in your relationship, highly sexed and highly motivated.

Desire to have sex can also be influenced by these other factors – your fitness level, the state of your relationship, your natural resting libidos (the amount you are motivated to have sex), medication, stress levels, commitments to ageing mothers, traumatised friends, career pressure, depression, menopause, erection difficulties, feeling unwell, too drunk, too angry, too tired.



Daily sex is a big deal for most busy people and more sex isn’t necessarily a good thing. The only question you really need to answer is this: are you both happy with the amount of sex you’re having? If the answer is yes, you are doing just fine.



If both partners are in their early twenties and newly into a relationship, having sex once a day could be too low but if you’re a long-term couple or older, the idea of daily sex will probably seem, well, unlikely. If you’ve got three kids under four and under foot, the right amount of sex for two frazzled, exhausted parents is probably none for months at a stretch because of the children’s demands.

Further research reflects that couples who had sex four or more times a week were not any happier than those who did it weekly.

Another study that asked couples having sex about six times a month to double the frequency had a disastrous effect on their sex lives. They enjoyed sex less and were in worse moods than those who stuck to their norm.



It has been confirmed that the longer a couple goes without sex, the more the pressure is on to have sex for longer next time. It allows you to find a time when both of you are feeling relaxed enough to become aroused but is often enough to stop the awful pressure couples feel when there’s been a sex drought.

Some couples live an unbalanced lifestyle that they only have time for a quickie and when the time eventually comes, there is no energy for a two-hour marathon session even if age is still on their side.



Some survey have sampled the opinion of people above age 51 and have confirmed that they felt extremely happy and satisfied in a sexless relationships with agreement by both parties as sex not being a ‘must have’ at the stage of their life. This can also be the case for couples under 50, who both have low or no sexual drive, and are happy not to have it.

Another main reason why couples stop having sex isn’t because their relationship has gone sour or they don’t fancy their partners. It is because they’re so close, the relationship has stopped being sexual. The closer you are, the more you describe yourself as ‘best friends’ or ‘soul mates’, the less likely you are to be turned on by your partner.



Some experts have affirmed that having sex once a week will do as weekly sex is said to affect three different brain systems, which are connected to the health of relationships and happiness.

Regardless of how reputable a study is or how convincing an argument is, the truth is that everyone can decide to make their own rule as it best soothes them because no-one can really look in on your relationship and come up with the ideal amount of sex for you.

So, the next time to give it a shot, forget everything you’ve been told about trust, familiarity, predictability, romance, whatever, they rarely serve as the building blocks of desire. Just enjoy yourselves and go as much as it satisfies you.

–          ‘Seyifunmi Adebote for




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