Omotola Tunde Rhema is an emotional therapist who specializes in helping hurting individuals recover, get balanced and live a fulfilled life. He spoke extensively to ENCOMIUM Weekly on reasons men are interested in raping minors and other issues relating to rape cases.
Why are men interested in minors?
Let me begin by saying that this could be a mental health issue. A form of disorder known as Pedophilia. Men who rape minors are in the category of pedophilia. Pedophilia is a psychiatric disorder in which an adult or older adolescent experiences a primary or exclusive sexual attraction to prepubescent children. Pedophiles are sexually attracted to prepubescent children, and the show no erotic interest in adults.
The sexual behaviors involved in pedophilia cover a range of activities and may or may not involve the use of force. Some pedophiles limit their behaviors to exposing themselves or masturbating in front of the child, fondling with or undressing the child, but without genital contact. Others, however, compel the child to participate in oral sex or full genital intercourse.
Talking about revenge:
Someone whose sister or sibling was molested may map out subtle means to abuse every female (and/or male) child of the abuser or prospective abusers, just to cause pain.
Such people will befriend the family and be very close to members of the family in order to gain entrance into the family. The victim might not be aware of the reason why the abuser acts that way. It could be a 5 years old or more revenge.
This is where the abuser who was a victim of the same abuse, have strong inclinations to make others (be it a child or someone who is close or not) suffer out of his accumulated pain.
This often happens after series of abuse. The victim, after going through the process of grief such as denial and anger comes to a place where he sees a need to inflict these pains on others. For example, the storyline of the movie October 1 by Kunle Afolayan is a good illustration of revenge in this context.
How can men control themselves?
Increase in rape is a wake-up call for everybody both male and female. Anybody can be a victim but I have few points that can help men control themselves.
Seek Mental Health Expertise.
Just like health problem could happen to anyone at some point and we visit doctors, I encourage men and women to visit mental health practitioners.
I have seen a lot of men say, “I don’t know how it happened” Do not let your emotions rule you. Your mind was designed for you and not you for your mind. Own your mind. Mental health practitioners will help you think, feel and act differently.
Through therapy, be it group therapy or personal therapy. Events begin with a thought and when such thoughts seem to reoccurr, such a person can walk up to a certified therapist who will help change the thought pattern.
I’ll personally and humbly want to refer anybody who might be a victim of this to a few proven experts in this field that I know. One of which is Sam Obafemi of Sam Obafemi Behavioral Change Academy (SOBCA), Usar Innocent of Innocent Minds International.
Help yourself by debunking myths that you have grown with.
Let’s start by debunking the myth, “Men will always be Men”. We excuse ourselves so much that we HAVE to look at porn and then we are wired differently. We encourage ourselves by saying we are moved by what we see.
Common, change the language! Change what you feed your mind with. I’ve not seen a man who is aroused when he sees a naked woman who is mentally derailed.
Own your mind. The mind is like a glutton that needs to be FED daily. Feed your mind with positive thoughts and it will produce positive results.
Break the incorrect subconscious connection that you’ve grown with.
We do ourselves as well as other people harm when we are ignorant of who we are. Develop yourself, manage your emotions. The society is decayed already. Do not contribute your weakness to the society. Identify your weakness and deal with it. Let women see you as their haven. Respect their decisions and take their “NO” . Don’t see Ladies as a prey that you must devour.
We need stringent laws who can help deal with offenders irrespective of their status (Low income earners, middle income earners and high income earners) These will make men postpone their needs to be satisfied.
What are the danger signals victims should watch out for?
Keeping children safe from sexual abuse is paramount. Predators appear as good, loving and helpful.
Keep in mind that sexual abuse is often not about sex, but about control and dominance. Sex, is often, merely an outlet that offenders are using to fill a perceived need. And it is difficult when no two abusers look, talk, or act the same.
Seeing one of these Red Flags does not mean that you are in the presence of a sexual abuser. Remember, protection of the suspected abuser is key until he/she is proven to be guilty. Therefore, be discrete about handling a suspected abuser.
Release only the information you are aware of. Don’t generate or assume fact and if your instinct is feeling like something is off – listen, observe, and minimize this person’s access to your child.
Overly affectionate with children – hugging, pecking, tickling, wrestling, holding or having a child sit on their lap regularly.
Predators always wants to offer help to care for your child or help them improve in their skills. They give you reasons why they should offer private lessons to improve his or her skill.
They spell out the errors of your child always so that you could respect their own decisions and this makes your child subject to their threats of “Mommy or Daddy will not believe you”, “Just be quiet about this”.
Predators make you earn their trust. They make flattery of you, your child, their talents and the likes, so that you can be blind to suspecting their actions.
- SHADE WESLEY-METIBOGUN